Water Bike

By Dave Goulder

Dear Sir,


Please help.

The enclosed photograph

is of my hybrid MZ/BMX/water power off-roader.

Light to handle, economic, comfortable, spirited 

medium heavy-loader, BUT

It will not start. I warm the water to stimulate the flow

the vapour fogs my eyes

but no; the brute is dead.



I try the bump

to start, knowing this too will fail

for lack of clutch or gearbox.

I try the jump – to no avail

the wires from car to bike cannot connect,

no battery. Desperate and near defeat

I clamp to water taps
beneath the seat, and NOW I know
the reason
for the name, ‘jump leads’.

I’m in despair, the lavatory

ball cock needs

much more than this. Perhaps a fire

beneath the block

like a diesel in frost

and instead of water

in the tank, try oil

or PETROL

(and scorn the cost).



Yes, tomorrow I will fly

and really burn

my name in history, till then

I remain, 

Yours sincerely,

Henry.